So this was my first time at Connect Group and it was great 🙂 One of my biggest takeaways, is that I have 3 bible apps on my phone and the one I used tonight ‘spoke’ in a language that made it hard for me to understand… so next week I need to try my other app to see if it is easier to understand 🙂

 

Here are some of the bible passages we read from…

‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭1:1-8‬ ‭ASV‬‬

‭‭Numbers‬ ‭32:23‬ ‭ASV‬‬

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭2:16-17‬ ‭ASV‬‬

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭3:2-3‬ ‭ASV‬‬

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭2:18‬ ‭ASV‬‬

Proverbs 30:6

Revelations 22:18-19

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭3:6‬ ‭ASV‬‬

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭3:12‬ ‭ASV‬‬

‭‭Romans‬ ‭5:12‬ ‭ASV‬‬

‭‭1 Timothy‬ ‭2:14‬ ‭ASV‬‬

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭3:7‬ ‭ASV‬‬

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭3:8‬ ‭ASV‬‬

 

so… basically, I didn’t understand Hebrews 1:1-8 at all, no idea what it was trying to say… I will use my other bible app to try and understand it 🙂

 

1. Adam lied/mislead Eve about not eating from the Tree of Knowledge

2. Adam didn’t stop Eve and even joined in with her while sinning and eating from the Tree of Knowledge (why did Adam do this???? I would love to have a conversation with him and ask him why)

3. Adam didn’t take responsibility for any of this, blamed Eve and then God for his sin

4. The Bible clearly states that we are not to add or remove any words from the bible and if we do God will punish us

5. Sin creates

     1. Shame

     2. Alienation

     3. Fear

     4 .Blame

 

1. We have not changed in all these years… people today still blame others for their mistakes, they still don’t take responsibility for their actions…

2. Chinese Whispers existed even back then… Apparently, Adam created them… be told one thing and pass it on to the next person, adding and removing stuff… I think it all comes back to the ‘lens’ we are currently wearing at the time we hear something… It is proven that no 2 people will ever interpret something the same way… So Adam just told Eve his interpretation of what God had said to him about the Tree of Knowledge… 🙂

3. Adam/Eve were just as curious about the Tree of Knowledge as we are today about a lot of things… the Snake (Satan) encouraged her… does that mean Satan is encouraging us to ’try things’ that we shouldn’t for his entertainment?

4. The final thing is about what Sin Creates… let me explore this more…

 

 

According to tonight’s lesson, Sin Creates – Shame, Alienation, Fear, and Blame… we feel shame around sin, we alienate ourselves from people because of sin, we fear what other people may think of us and we blame others… This got me really thinking about my current situation and how I am feeling right now…

 

Over the last 12 months, because of my struggling mentally, I have let a lot of people down.  It wasn’t deliberate, I just wasn’t strong enough to overcome the fear/anxiety/and panic about a lot of things. I have been mentally exhausted for a long time and I didn’t have the power to struggle anymore… BUT the reality is that I still struggled, I still let people down… I still have a lot of people disappointed in me… the result of this is that a lot of my friends have walked away… a lot of my clients have left (or I have asked them to leave) and so I currently have no business…

 

My family has reacted to this in anger.  The person that they have been able to rely on for a really long time stopped being reliable.

 

They feel let down and disappointed in me… The way they react is to react in anger… become abusive and to just be horrible people… the way I respond to this is to withdraw… stop talking to them…

 

So if we look at the 4 elements of what sin creates and break them down for my situation…

1. Shame – I am definitely ashamed of the fact that I have let a lot of people down… that I wasn’t strong enough to pull through and put my family, friends, and clients before me… that I lost my way… I feel so embarrassed and ashamed…

2. Alienation – this is definitely what I have done, although until tonight I couldn’t see that…but I have ‘withdrawn’ or ‘alienated’ myself from my family, friends, and clients so I don’t have to face them in my time of shame and embarrassment…

3. Fear – I have lots of fear… I fear where I am going to end up… I fear what people must be saying about me… I fear that my children will never feel they can reconnect with me… I fear that I will never be able to hold my head up high again… I fear being alone…

4. Blame – This one is a tough one because I instantly go – I don’t blame anyone but myself… I take full responsibility for what has happened… but then I wonder… do I really? am I blaming my children, my mum, my sister? what are my thoughts exactly on this… I am going to have to sit on this for a long time…

 

If all 4 elements are true, then does that mean that I have sinned to create this situation? Does it mean that I am just ‘blaming’ my mental illness as a reason for my sin?

 

Where does this leave me?

 

Here is a final prayer from this morning’s Bible reading…